As Jeff Sessions is forced out, late-night TV hosts have quite a few thoughts

Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced his resignation at President Trump’s request Nov. 7, after a rocky tenure overseeing the Justice Department. (Joyce Koh/The Washington Post)

Of course, they all zeroed in on Trump’s anger toward Sessions, particularly about the fact that he recused himself from the Russia investigation.

“Trump has made no secret of his feelings about Sessions,” Colbert said. “He’s called Sessions a ‘traitor,’ ‘a dumb Southerner,’ ‘Mr. Magoo,’ and perhaps most humiliating of all, ‘member of my administration.’”

Here are some of the other topics that Noah, Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, James Corden and Jimmy Fallon all covered:

Sessions’s resignation letter

Colbert: “Now, there is some confusion among stupid people as to whether Sessions was fired or he resigned. He did submit a letter of resignation, but it began, ‘At your request, I am submitting my resignation.’ Look at that. Southern hospitality until the end.”

Kimmel: “In the letter, he said he operated with integrity and strove to uphold the rule of law. And Trump was like, ‘Yeah, why do you think I fired you?’ ”

Meyers: “Okay, but if it’s at his request, then it’s not a resignation. That’s like saying that you’re breaking up with someone because you don’t like the way they threw you out of the house.”

That Chief of Staff John F. Kelly apparently fired him

Noah: “Apparently, Trump didn’t fire him to his face or even call him. He just sent John Kelly with a prewritten resignation letter. John Kelly probably got there and he was like, ‘Alright Jeff, do you want to do it the easy way or the Omarosa way? Which one is it?’ ”

Kimmel: “Trump didn’t even fire him, he had his chief of staff, John Kelly, do it. You know, the one and only thing Trump is good at is firing people, and he can’t even do that.”

Acting attorney general Matthew G. Whitaker, who has already criticized the Mueller investigation

Colbert: “Who on earth would be willing to go down in history as the man who stepped in to fire Robert Mueller? Enter new acting attorney general and Caucasian M&M, Matt Whitaker. Now, there is no way to know Whitaker’s stance on the Mueller investigation — unless you read his op-ed, ‘Mueller’s investigation of Trump is going too far.’ ”

Noah: “Just because Matt Whitaker came up with a hypothetical plan to fire Robert Mueller doesn’t mean that he actually thinks the Mueller investigation has gone too far — except there is the fact that he also wrote an op-ed that was literally called, ‘Mueller’s investigation of Trump has gone too far.’ Which to me is kind of a red flag.”

Colbert: “So Trump just handpicked a guy who wants to stop the investigation into Donald Trump to be in charge of the investigation of Donald Trump. That’s like a defendant at a murder trial saying, ‘Your Honor, you’re fired. I’m going to have my friend Terry here take your seat. Now, then, Terry, if it please the court, did you throw that knife into the river like I asked? The correct answer is no.’ ”

The idea that Mueller might need to speed things along

Kimmel: “This guy wrote an op-ed critical of the Mueller investigation. That man will now be overseeing the Mueller investigation. Okay, Bob Mueller, time to snort some Adderall and get that report done ASAP, you understand?”

Noah: “The Mueller investigation is in danger. And somebody tells that me right now Robert Mueller is in a bathroom stall trying finish his homework before they shut it all down.”

Sessions’s height

Noah: “[Trump] didn’t fire Jeff Sessions. He just said ‘Rumpelstiltskin’ and then the curse was broken.”

Kimmel: “That’s him exiting the building, leaving the Department of Justice to go back to live in his hollow tree.”

Fallon: “It makes sense that he’s leaving now. Santa needs him to start making toys at the North Pole.”

Corden: “I’ll tell you one thing: Jeff Sessions is leaving some very, very tiny shoes to fill.”

Meyers: “That’s right, Attorney General Jeff Sessions stepped down today. Apparently he’s been on a stool this whole time.”

Colbert, holding up a Keebler Elf cookie and talking in a Southern accent: “I humbly request my severance pay in sweet tea and Confederate dollars.”

What Sessions might do next

Noah: “People were talking about Sessions getting fired for so long, he probably already had a backup job lined up. He’s like, ‘It’s okay, I’m already assistant manager at Baby Gap. But I want you to know I’ve recused myself from folding those onesies.’ ”

Colbert: “No word what Jeff Sessions is going to do next. I assume he’s going to spend more time with his family separation policy.”

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